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“He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.”
— Isaiah 53:3 ESV
All you want to do today is wrap yourself in a soft blanket and lose yourself in a mediocre book, but the decorating committee you lead expects you at church at 11 a.m. to prepare the sanctuary for Easter. Did they forget that your husband died four months ago? You drag yourself out of bed and get yourself dressed. You have become a person acquainted with grief.
Throughout our lives, there will be seasons of grief. Sometimes, it blows in like a hurricane, knocking down houses and uprooting trees. Other times, grief is like the slow, steady drip of rain in a Pacific Northwestern winter, chronic and constant, clouding out joy with its pervasive gloom. Whether our landscape has been suddenly devastated by grief or we are walking the long road of chronic grief as we anticipate death, we need to know our great hope in grief, our companion who is acquainted with grief, our Savior Jesus Christ. Not only does He know our grief, but He has also borne our grief for us. He has suffered on our behalf so that, one day, we might never suffer again (see Isaiah 53:3–4, 10). United to our compassionate Savior, we can navigate the twists and turns on the grief journey. We can even learn to enjoy restful and peaceful days along the way.
The Lord Jesus helps us to endure the physical, emotional, and spiritual challenges of grief, meets us in anticipatory grief, and strengthens our hope that grief will one day give way to glory.
The Physical, Emotional, and Spiritual Toll of Grief and Our Great Physician’s Care
Grief affects us physically. Grief affects our appetite, digestion, and cravings. It drains us of energy and the desire to exercise. It interrupts our sleep and weakens our immune system. Because Jesus suffered in a human body, He understands physical suffering. Because Jesus is the Great Physician who cares for our bodies, we, too, must care for them. When needed, we must seek medical attention to address grief’s physical impact on us.
Grief affects us emotionally. Disbelief, anger, sorrow, desperation, agitation. Peace, hope, joy. The emotions of grief refuse to be confined to five neat stages. Young widow Clarissa Moll counsels us to pay attention to our emotions: “Feel the sorrow deeply. Express the despair, the doubt, the anger, the exhaustion. And when you catch your breath, take a deep inhale of hope. Listen for the quiet whisper of possibility. Drink deeply the rich words of joy that Scripture offers you, not in isolation of your suffering but in its presence.”1
Grief affects us spiritually. It is normal to ask why, especially after a shocking loss. We can take refuge in the laments of Scripture, comforted by the awareness that Jesus Himself lamented as He hung on the cross: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46).2 We persist in pleading honestly with the Lord to show us His mercy. We invite others to plead on our behalf when our hearts run dry. We take comfort in knowing that because our Savior was forsaken for us, we who are united to Him will never be forsaken.
Crying Out in Lament
Biblical lament is a powerful balm for the heartsickness of grief. Biblical lament usually follows a pattern of turning to God, naming our grief, asking for help, and renewing confidence in God. We see this pattern in Psalm 22.
Turning to God. While we often turn away from God in our grief and pain, David, the author of Psalm 22, turns toward Him: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?….O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer” (Psalm 22:1–2). David directs his complaint to God, demonstrating his faith in God’s care.
Naming our Grief. “Why have you forsaken me?….You do not answer, and…I find no rest” (Psalm 22:1–2). As we name our grief, we note how our current experience doesn’t seem to match our understanding of God’s goodness and mercy.
Asking for help. After naming his grief, David remembers God’s past redemption and boldly asks for help: “In you our fathers trusted…and you delivered them….From my mother’s womb you have been my God. Be not far from me, for trouble is near, and there is none to help” (Psalm 22:4, 10–11). Remembering that our Redeemer will one day fully restore all things, we can confidently approach the throne of grace.
Renewing confidence in God. In most biblical laments, the writer praises God and trusts in His goodness: “In the midst of the congregation I will praise you….For he has not despised or abhorred the affliction of the afflicted” (Psalm 22:22, 24). This renewed confidence often comes before a change in circumstances and rests in the hope of God’s promised deliverance.
As we prepare for glory, we must not evade grief. Rather, we must cry out in lament even as we hope for the day of no more death, no more mourning, and no more pain (see Revelation 21:4). In this hope, we lean toward eternity, when our mouths will be forever filled with laughter, “our tongue with shouts of joy” (Psalm 126:2).
Anticipatory Grief and Our Savior’s Tears
Three years ago, Lara’s father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. As his only child, Lara is struggling. She finds herself crying frequently, losing her temper daily, and feeling constantly anxious. Like many loved ones of those who have a progressive or terminal disease, Lara is experiencing anticipatory grief. As bereavement counselor Marty Tousley explains, “Extended illness, disability, severe accidental injury, a terminal diagnosis, or the aging and decline of an elderly family member can produce…anticipatory grief.”3
Symptoms of anticipatory grief include anger, anxiety, depression, denial, guilt, irritability, and difficulty concentrating. But the grief may be tinged with a sense of hope or comfort: caregivers may imagine relief from their caregiving burden, while the sick may anticipate an end to their suffering. As we consider how to navigate anticipatory grief, we look to Jesus, who experienced it before His crucifixion.
The night before His death, Jesus took refuge in the garden of Gethsemane. The disciples followed Him there, but He told them to wait and pray while He went on alone. He knelt, and He cried out. He lamented. He begged God to “remove this cup” (Luke 22:42). In His humanity, Jesus dreaded the horror of crucifixion; He dreaded even more bearing His Father’s wrath for our sins. Even so, He prayed, “Not my will, but yours, be done” (v. 42). The Father did not remove the cup, but He did send an angel to strengthen Jesus (see v. 43). And yet, even after the angel came, Jesus cried and prayed more, sweating blood in His agony (see v. 44).
In this poignant scene, we learn much about how to navigate anticipatory grief. Here are at least four things we can do:
Name the horror of death. “Jesus was averse to death,” theologian Philip Ryken notes.4 Death, which came as a result of the fall, must and should be grieved.
Pray and invite others to pray. Jesus prayed an honest lament, naming His sorrow and fear. He also asked the disciples to pray, even though He knew they would fail. As we have seen, we too can cry out to God in lament. And because grief may numb us and mute our prayers, we can also ask others to pray for us.
Invite others to bear your burdens. Just as Jesus invited His disciples to pray for Him as He cried out to God, we can reach out and receive help from others, including Jesus, our burden-bearer.
Even as you feel anticipatory grief, anticipate glory. Hebrews 12:2 tells us that Jesus endured the cross “for the joy that was set before him,” the joy of being united with us eternally. We, too, have joy awaiting us: our eternal future with Christ in glory. In hard days of decline, we must remember that we need not bear our grief alone and that we will not bear it forever. We can lean into glory even as we grieve.
Preparing for Glory as We Grieve
“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen.” —2 Corinthians 4:16–18
We have faced death, and we have found it lacking. As John Donne famously put it in “Holy Sonnet X”:
One short sleep past, we wake eternally
And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.5
Yes, as our outer selves waste away, we will know grief. And yet, as the apostle Paul promises, a day is coming when grief will give way to glory — eternal, shining glory.
In that day of “no more…mourning, nor crying, nor pain” (Revelation 21:4), this article will be obsolete. You will never again get a phone call telling you that your father is in the emergency room after a fall. You will never again be faced with fraught decisions about end-of-life care. You will never again face the grief of dementia or heart disease, cancer or chemo. You will never again have nightmares about your child’s death. All suffering and sorrow will have come to an end.
Grief will give way to glory. Jesus will return to raise our bodies to eternal life in our eternal home: the new heavens and the new earth. In this place, “the leaves of the tree [of life will be] for the healing of the nations” (Revelation 22:2). In this place, we will see our Savior’s face. As our hearts no longer clouded by sin take in the full breadth and depth of His glory, we will finally and fully be like Him (see 1 John 3:2). In His presence, we will spend eternity fulfilling our greatest purpose: enjoying “the immeasurable riches of [God’s] grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus” (Ephesians 2:7). Theologian Dane Ortlund writes, “One day God is going to walk us through the wardrobe into Narnia, and we will stand there, paralyzed with joy, wonder, astonishment, and relief.”6
We are surely going to die. But, oh, what glories and grace await us when we do! We need not fear. Our hero, our Savior King, our beloved Bridegroom, stands ready to take our hand, to bring us to the Father, to announce with joy, “Here is my beloved, your precious child.” Remembering that we are always walking in the light and toward the day of eternal glory, we can grieve with hope, looking forward to the day mourning will be no more.7
Elizabeth Reynolds Turnage (MEd, MACS) is an author and Bible teacher. She has written two devotionals for people in crisis and equips Christians to face the issues of aging, caregiving, legacy, and end-of-life.
NOTES
- Clarissa Moll, Beyond the Darkness: A Gentle Guide for Living with Grief and Thriving after Loss (Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House, 2022), 116–17.
- All Scripture quotations are from the ESV.
- Marty Tousley, “Coping as You Anticipate a Loss,” Open to Hope, June 2, 2009, https://www.opentohope.com/coping-as-you-anticipate-a-loss/.
- Philip Graham Ryken, Luke, vol. 2 (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing, 2009), 501.
- John Donne, “Holy Sonnets: Death, Be Not Proud” (1609), Poetry Foundation, https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44107/holy-sonnets-death-be-not-proud.
- Dane C. Ortlund, Gentle and Lowly: The Heart of Christ for Sinners and Sufferers (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2020), 209.
- Parts of this article are excerpted or adapted with permission from Elizabeth Reynolds Turning, Preparing for Glory: Biblical Answers to 40 Questions on Living and Dying in Hope of Heaven (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing, 2024).
